Archive for June, 2011

I saw Green Lantern

admin | June 29, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

Green shit everywhere.  From start to end, green is everywhere, like herpes on a hood rat.  But what do you expect when the title has GREEN in it.  Here is a synopsis of the green movie.

This movie was actually pretty bad ass.  Everyone told me, “this movie sucks, go punt a seal instead.”  I said to them, “cool story, bro” and went and saw it anyways.  I left the theater with a feeling of glee, but not that gay singing type of glee, the type you get when you first saw Optimus Prime.

The movie started off with Ryan Reynolds as a badass, doesn’t play by the rules, jet pilot.  And seriously, rules mean nothing to him, just like girls feelings.  He is quite rude to women, but women should expect that from men anyways.  The cool part was when he was up against these 2 drone jets and him and his main bitch were supposed to take them down.  He sacrificed her ass to take down them jets, but ends up having a bad acid trip about his dead dad and crashes the plane.  Apparently his dad thought it was cool to die in plane crashes, and Hal Jordan wasn’t ready for that badassery yet.

Skip forward to glowing green shit.  Glowing green shit takes Hal Jordan to an alien and the alien is all “I got you a present, it’s a green ring lol” and Hal is like “wtf, this is against my religion”.  Hal’s husband then dies, and he then buries the purple people eater under rocks.  The feds find the body and Hal talks bat shit crazy to a lantern and is then taken to the planet of the ring via green.  He then finds out he can make anything he want with the ring and then makes a huge dildo and penetrates Glenn Beck’s ass.  Sinestro then spits on Hal’s face and Hal goes home crying like a baby bitch to his trick. Then he saves her from dieing a retarded death and she freaks the fuck out cause Hal is in a green suit with the gayest mask ever and questions his sexuality.

Oh when the feds found the alien, this fucking loser ass scientist investigates the body and then this yellow laffy taffy motherfucker takes over his body and turns him into a walking tumor that can throw shit.  Hal fights this doucher, but then suddenly HUGE FUCKING YELLOW/BLACK MONSTER OUT OF NO WHERE.  Hal ends up making him follow him to the sun because apparently huge yellow things have no common sense whatsoever and he then says “lol your dad sucked at jets” and dies.  Hal is saved and Sinestro is like “sorry, you are actually cool, join my club”.

If you like superheroes, green, and movies, you will like this one.  A great way to  make this better though is for Hal Jordan to get into a weird fetish phase where he gets his kicks from making his ring create that stupid Geico girl, and beating her.


Hidden treasures

admin | June 28, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

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Get your family together to argue over if that guy was really in the bible. “I swear, Captain America fought Goliath with David.

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Hey Judas, get outta my lunchbox! That’s my Snackpak you little rascal!


Story of the day

admin | June 27, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

I received this story from Alex Stone in Austin, Texas. Check it out!

“hi maxwell randomly I love your stuff you are so funny! I really like how you make fun if stuff and it’s funny! I heard this story from my friend Brent in school and it was really funny and I wanted to tell you it because it’s really funny and Brent is my best friend. He said that one time he was eating food with his family. And he had a soda that his mom let him have and then the soda made him burp. And his mom was like what do you have to say for yourself and he says be lucky I didn’t fart! Hahaha it was so funny! Isn’t Brent funny! Farting would have been so grossss!! Ewwwww!!!

Brent is not funny, Alex and I hate your fucking guts. I hope Brent’s parents locked him up in a basement and all he had to eat was his only flesh.


USA lost to Mexico in soccer.

admin | June 26, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

What a surprise. Really? There, kids play soccer because they do it for fun. Here, we have dads and moms that force their kids to play soccer. Maybe if so many parents would stop forcing their lost childhood on their kids, maybe kids would do shit for fun and maybe do less drugs. And maybe stop eating so much, USA is fucking fat.


What I said while playing Shadows of the Damned

admin | June 25, 2011 in Gaming | Comments (1)

Here is word for word what I screamed in a gentle voice at the tv while playing Shadows of the Damned.

“Fuckin’ floating words.”

“That demon was an asshole.”

“This guy’s tattoos would give Duke Nukem a hard-on.”

“Is that a fucking goat?”

“…that goat’s not wearing pants…”

“I think I just called the goat a Bitch Santa in Spanish… that goat is still naked…”

“HE SAID FUCK.”

“What the fuck?  Either a girl is getting raped or railed by 20 spartans.”

“Oh, she’s dead.”

“This guy has a super badass guitar and zebra couch?  I want his life.”

“THESE DEMONS ENJOY NECROPHELIA?”

“Dead woman g-string.”

“Well this guy looks like a douche, 3 heads is unnecessary.”

“He said penetration!”

“HE SAID ENDOWMENT!”

“My gun has a first name, and it’s Johnson!”

“Johnson is now a stick…”

“Johnson is now a motorcycle that would make James Dean cry babies.”

“Johnson is british?!”

“Johnson is my hero.”

Suddenly, opening title. This game is super sweet tits.  I haven’t beaten it yet, because I have been too busy reenacting Game of Thrones in my room by myself.  But I mean, you have a gun called a boner, and your save point is made by one eyed willy who drops a deuce.  Whoever made this game is fit to have a velociraptor as a pet.  And I’m talking about the kind that slashes that kid’s stomach at the beginning of the first Jurassic Park.  I fucking hate that kid.

 

 


My personal confession video…

admin | June 23, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKCl4ZRTm8U&feature=mh_lolz&list=LLs8n50gHEZY8

I’m sorry…


New Yorick Update for League of Legends

admin | in Gaming | Comments (0)

 

League of Legends is my current favorite game.  I mean it’s a free game, and it’s addictive as hell.  I can’t get enough of this damn game.  Anyways they just released a new patch update and here is the shpeal on it.

 

Yorick is a gravedigger and summons ghouls to do his bidding.  It’s odd because it seems like he is a bit of everything.  He”s part mage, melee and tank.  His first spell uses attack damage, and his W and E use magic damage but he always plays very tanky. Here’s his breakdown.

  • Omen of War: Yorick’s next attack will deal bonus physical damage and summon a Spectral Ghoul that deals additional damage and moves faster than Yorick’s other ghouls. While the Spectral Ghoul is alive, Yorick moves faster as well.
  • Omen of Pestilence: Yorick summons a Decaying Ghoul that arrives with a violent explosion, dealing damage and slowing nearby enemies. While the Decaying Ghoul remains alive, nearby enemies continue to be slowed.
  • Omen of Famine: Yorick steals life from his target and summons a Ravenous Ghoul that heals Yorick for the damage it deals.
  • Omen of Death (Ultimate): Yorick conjures a revenant in the image of one of his allies. If his ally dies while its revenant is alive, the revenant sacrifices itself to reanimate them and give them time to enact vengeance.
  • Unholy Covenant (Passive): Yorick’s attacks deal more damage for each summon that is active. Meanwhile, Yorick’s ghouls deal some percent of Yorick’s Attack Damage and have some percent of his total health.

His Omen of War is really helpful in that you can use it like Ghost and just jet away from people, but it also boosts your next hit up like crazy.  This is Yorick’s attack damage skill and gains a plus from AD.

Omen of Pestilence is an AOE skill that is helpful in early game and is Yoricks more “mage” skill. It will do your area damage and then target the closest enemy, chase them, and slow them.  I found it very useful in late game as well in team battle, I would slow the enemy with this for my allies and it helped out a lot.

Omen of Famine is what helps Yorick be a tank.  You can steal your targets life and your ghoul will attack the target and whatever damage it does, it will heal you for that amount.  I mean these ghouls were annoying enough to the other team, but now they’re stealing their health?  Yeah Yorick will be “that” champion.

Omen of Death is what help Yorick be a tank and support.  You will summon a ghost of your target ally, it could even be you, and that ghost will have limited life but will auto attack enemies.  The big thing is, if the target you picked dies, their ghost will sacrifice itself and bring them back to life.  They are not brought back to life for good, but are alive long enough to deal out some damage.  One of the reasons Yorick was put on the market and then taken off right away was because there was a glitch where this spell would keep on bringing the target back to life over and over or it would bring them back to life for good.

His passive, Unholy Covenant, is what makes you want to spam your skills.  In a team battle, I would just spam all my skills, have all of my ghouls and my attack damage increased like a bitch.  Don’t get carried away with it though, only spam them when necessary.

It’s hard to build up Yorick because he can be anything.  A tri-force is a very helpful item, in that it helps you out in all of your areas.  But it’s honestly up to which way you want to build Yorick.  That’s what is nice about his, you can make him into whatever you want.  I will say though, a mage/tank hybrid really worked well for me.

And if you want all the patch details, along with buffs and nerfs check out LoL’s forum right here http://www.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=874415.

 


LOZ: Ocarina of Time 3ds Reviews in CAPS

admin | June 21, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (1)

 

YO, THERES THIS NEW GAME OUT CALLED LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME!  THIS SHIT IS MAD DOPE!  tHE COOL THING IS, IS THAT IT CAME OUT IN 1998, AND THEY DUN RELEASED IT AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME, YOU CAN PLAY THIS GAME ON THE MOTHA-FUCKIN GO!  THAT’S RIGHT BITCHES!  YOU CAN PLAY THIS CLASSIC WHILE YOU BEEN DROPPIN’ DEUCES OR GETTIN DOWN AN’ DIRTY WIT YO HOMEGIRL!

THIS GAMES GOT SOME CRAZY MAD UPGRAYDZ COMPARED TO THE ORIGINAL.  FIRST OFF, THIS SHIT LOOKS FUCKIN’ ILL!  THE GRAPHICS ARE LIKE A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL! YEAH! THAT PRINCESS HO LOOKS HAWT IN THESE GRAPHICS!  ALSO THE 3D EFFECTS ARE POPPIN’!  IT MAKES YOU TRIP A LIL BUT THEY DID HELLA GOOD WITH MAKIN’ THAT ORIGINAL 3D GAME INTO REAL MUTHAFUCKIN 3D!

THIS GAME RIGHT HERE PLAYS JUST LIKE ORIGINAL.  DAS RIGHT, NO CHANGES HERE OBAMA. EVERYTHING IS PRETTY MUCH JUST THE SAME, BUT YOU WANT THIS CAUSE THAT ORIGINAL WAS FUCKIN SICK! I REMEMBER PLAYIN THAT GAME WHEN I WAS CHILLIN WITH MY BOY JEFF AND WE WUZ JUST CHILLIN AND SMOKIN DAT KUSH!  I WAS ALL LIKE “YO THAT BOY ZELDA IS TIGHT”, AND HE’S ALL LIKE “YO, BROBRAHAM LINCOLN!  ZELDA IS THE PRINCESS BITCH!”  THAT DUDE WAS RIGHT.  BUT ANYWAYS YEAH, THIS SHITS JUST LIKE THE ORIGINAL.

COOL THING ABOUT THIS 3DS IS THAT THIS THINGS GOT 2 SCREENS. WHAAAAAAT?! YEAH 2 SCREENS! AND THAT MAP THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS GOIN TO WHEN YOU HAD NO IDEA WHERE THE FUCK YOU WERE GOING, THAT SHIT IS DISPLAYED RIGHT ON THAT BOTTOM SCREEN! MAKES IT HELLA EASY TO GO AROUND THEM DUNGEONS.  IT ALSO SHOWS YOU WHAT BUTTONS ARE USED FOR.  THAT BOTTOM SCREEN SAVED MY LIFE YO.  ANOTHER COOL THING ABOUT THIS 3DS IS THE CAMERA.  YOU CAN PUSH A BUTTON AND LOOK AROUND THE LEVEL WHEN YOU MOVE YOUR DS! ITS JUST LIKE YOUR THAT ZELD.. LINK DUDE!  I WAS ALL LOOKIN UP AT MY ROOF, BUT HOLY SHIT THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE! I SCREAMED LIKE A BIIIIITCH!

I TOTALLY THINK YOU SHOULD PICK UP THIS GAME CAUSE IT’S JUST AS BAD ASS AS THE ORIGINAL, BUT IT’S GOT ALL THESE BITCHIN UPGRAYDZ THANKS TO THE THREE DEE ESS!

I will go with a score of 10/10 because the original was an amazing game with hardly any flaws and they have only improved on the original recipe for the game with amazing new features courtesy of the 3ds.  I would highly recommend you pick this game up for your 3ds, and for those of you without a 3ds, you may want to consider picking one up for this game and the upcoming releases that are sure to be a blast, bitch.


What bumper stickers say about you.

admin | June 20, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (1)

Political Campaign Sticker – “I want everyone to see that I either agree with you or disagree with you.  If you disagree, you are an ignorant jackass and are a babykiller.  If we agree, then I will follow you on twitter.”

Jesus Fish – “I am a wholesome person and go to church every Sunday.  But if you cut me off, I will fucking kill you.”

Support our troops – “I bought this at the gas station buying a case of Bud and saw this bumper sticker, so I bought it because I want people to know that I care about our troops.”

Campaign Sticker from Past Campaign – “I’m still right and you’re still wrong.”

Watch Out For Motorcycles – “I know someone who rode a motorcycle once.”

Anti-Obama Sticker with the Obama “O” – “Hey I hate Obama and lots of words have them O’s in them.”

Salt Life Stickers – “I enjoy the beach, and am most likely a huge douchebag.”

Anti Left or Right wing slogan Sticker – “For every sticker I have, I have had that many pointless lives.  Oh I have multiple? Wow, I suck at living.”

Bumper sticker are the hideous things ever.  They just scream “I need attention, even when I’m driving.”  Don’t be tacky, get rid of them.

 

 


3 simple tips to becoming a healthier gamer

admin | June 19, 2011 in Gaming,Randomly | Comments (0)

A while ago I noticed myself sitting down constantly and playing video games.  What happens when you just sit around and do nothing? You get out of shape and fat, I mean, it’s science.  It sucked because I love playing video games, but I also hate being out of shape.  All I wanted is to be healthy, not a beefcake or steroid juiced mongloid.  So I followed these three tips I made for myself and I couldn’t be happier with the shape I am in.

 

-Take one hour out of each day or even every other day to go to the gym or ride your bike.  I have taken 1 hour every other day to go to the gym to do cardio and weights and it has really made a difference.  I mean you spend hours and hours playing video games, why not take one hour away just to pump some iron.  Duke does it, so it must be cool.

-Yes we all love soda.  Mountain Dew runs through my veins.  But soda puts pudge on you and turn you into a Rosie O’Donnell. Cut down on that shit.  Drink some water or tea instead.  Yes, some teas have sugar but not as much as your regular soda.  And the caffeine in soda’s are freakin’ terrible for you.  I cut myself down to one soda a day, maximum.  It will be hard to do and you may have caffeine withdrawals.  Yes, that shit is real.  But if you get passed it, you will notice a decrease in weight, and clearer skin as well.

-Having a LAN party?  What better way to feed everyone than going to a fast food place and filling everyone up with shit food.  Notice fat people love McDonalds, skinny people love it too, but fat people LOVE it.  Fast food is food, yes, but too much of it is very harmful to your health.  It will make you fat, and clog up your arteries.  Try and steer away from these fast foods, maybe substitute it for Subway, or Jimmy Johns.  Also all fast food places have healthier options, like grilled chicken or salads.  It may not taste as good as a McGangBang, but it’s good for you.  I still eat some fast food, but I cut it down to maybe like twice a week.

These three simple tips are hard to follow, honestly, because it will take away some stuff that you love.  But nothing feels better than being in shape and having someone be surprised you’re a hardcore gamer.  The exercising is a necessary part in being healthy and a healthier diet will only contribute to it.

I just felt the need in writing this because I am really happy with the shape I am in, and I see too many gamers that are terribly out of shape.  Yes there are some of you who don’t need to do shit to stay in shape(screw you!), but for those who would like to feel better about their appearance and feel better in general, just follow those three tips and you will will notice a difference because I have.


J.K. Rowling is up to something!

admin | in Randomly | Comments (0)

Tags: ,

There is a new site that J.K. Rowling has created with a ticker that is counting down to June 23. She will make an announcement on that day I guess, I hope it’s a LOTR Harry Potter team up!

http://www.youtube.com/user/JKRowlingAnnounces


Vancouver, I am dissapoint – YOUTUBE EDITION!

admin | June 18, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

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America!

admin | June 17, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (0)

Fuck yea!

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Professional football players are not allowed to discuss politics

admin | June 16, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (1)

Just saying.  You spend your entire damn life determined to get the shit beat out of you by other men and waste your entire high school away on a sport and your college career.  Of course there are successful college athletes that go on to better things but the ones that go to the pros, go screw your self.  Where do they get off trying to talk about politics or social issues.  You are probably fucking brain dead from all of the hits you’ve taken to the head, and if you’re not retarded yet, you will be at around 50.  Why do I bring this up?  Apparently David Tyree of the New York Giants thinks he’s super fuckin smart and can talk about gay marriage.  He says, “this will be the beginning of our country’s sliding towards, you know, it’s a strong word, but ‘anarchy.’ The moment we have it, if you trace back even to other cultures, other countries, that will be the moment where our society and itself, loses its grip with what’s right. Marriage is one of those things that is the backbone of society.” YES, THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WILL START HEADING TOWARDS ANARCHY AS SOON AS GAY PEOPLE CAN HAVE WORDS SPOKEN TO THEM IN A CHURCH AND HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THEIR FUTURE.  Where the fuck do you get off?  You weren’t even a good football player, you fucking blew.  Now shut the hell up and continue being a retired ignorant ass until you become a braindead vegetable.


Spam Comments

admin | June 15, 2011 in Randomly | Comments (2)

I get a million spam comments every freaking day on this damn blog.  Ones that says “this post was very insightful, i look forward to reading more” and my post was only a picture.  I HATE YOU.   I just want to see how many spam comments I get on this saying it was helpful.